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Fishy Umbrellas: Original Flavour!
by Kaye (sparrow_wings)
at June 4th, 2006 (10:55 pm)
Tags:

Mood Swings: tortue-tortue

I'm afraid to actually read this (sorry, Xa, but we were fourteen when you wrote it), but nonetheless, here it is. All SEVEN THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED SIXTY EIGHT WORDS OF IT. For your delectation. Or amusement. Or something. -- Raya

* * * * *

THE STORY

The epic saga of Jules and Lex, who were there when it all began; "Ginger", who is not to be mistaken for the Spice Girl of the same name; Whisper, who actually screams; and Ashley, the straight crossdresser. Together, the are the Fishy Umbrellas, a no-fixed-genre band. Because God likes 'em that way. Currently, they are working on their first album. This will include Un Million Pissenlits, or A Million Dandelions, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. The Fishy Umbrellas are the property of God. Insofar as the Angel knows, God has no idea why anyone would want to steal them, but don't steal them anyway. And boy, that was a messed-up sentence. Oh yeah, and these stories are not quite in their original form, as God has given the Angel implicit permission to muck around with the spelling and suchlike. So, without further ado, on to Confectionary Preservation 101!
-- the Angel



Table of Contents

1: Confectionary Preservation 101
In which Julian meets Lexus, and vice-versa. Beware of the chocolate mousse.
2: Life's A Bitch, And Then You Move In With Your Best Friend
Ah, home sweet home.
3: Enter... The Girl. (A.K.A. The Birth of Jules and Lex)
Paramedics and Castlegar and more Angel Food Cake.
4: Fishy Umbrellas?
And now the Fun starts.
5: So Those Guys Have Names, Right?
Crossover characters!
6: Whisper, or, the Chapter in which Julian Starts being an Asshole
No spoilers in that title. None at all. Oh yes, and: Enter Whisper.
7: You're Going on Tour!
In which Dorian is an idiot.
8: The Yellow Apron
Tah-tah-tah-tah! (That was supposed to be a fanfare.)
9: (I Think.)
In which Whisper Drives Dangerously and Lexus is molested in the bathroom.
10: [untitled]
In Which Dorian Drives Like a Turtle on Tranquilizers and Our Protagonists Arrive. Also, Picnic Tables.




One: Confectionery Preservation 101
"Um, hello?" "But strawberry-flavoured… oh, I was dreaming."

This was sick, this was disgusting, this was cruel. Who was the idiot who decided pastries and desserts in general needed to be preserved? There were some days when you really wanted to wonder about society and it's train of thought. On the other hand, if you didn't want to eat the preserved confection, you could always donate it to one of those food charity places. Then the homeless hungry people would have something delicious to eat. If the class didn't eat them all first.

Welcome to Confectionery Preservation 101.

Julian, was a student in this class. He pushed his green hair out of his eyes. Yes, green; yes, naturally green. Hey! It could happen. He sighed, because the rather eccentric teacher was now preaching about the life span of un-preserved, un-refrigerated white chocolate mousse. The word torture came to mind.

The class was going to dissect week old partially refrigerated dark chocolate mousse sometime today. If the teacher ever stopped rambling. Some students were frowning and taking serious notes. Julian sighed again, and thought, Why did I decide to take this class again?

There was a knock at the door. The loud teacher stopped her babbling. God, she was annoying. She opened the door allowing a redhead to walk in and look around. He grinned and waved; some people let out a brief cheer, as though to thank him for stopping the teacher's sermon. The teacher glared at him.

"So nice of you to join us, Mister ..?" she said through obviously clenched teeth, her hand running through her graying hair. She was slightly irritated about being interrupted. The redhead grinned again.

"Lexus, like the car. But if you ever call me Ford... well, I'm sure you can imagine what my reaction will be." He smiled again and cracked his knuckles, causing some of the particularly sensitive in the class to shudder. He smiled a little more at that and looked for somewhere to sit. After a few moments of failing to notice any empty seats he turned to the teacher. "Where do I sit?"

"There seems to be an empty seat next to that young man there," she said, smiling sweetly and pointing at Julian. Julian looked around a few times before realizing she was pointing to the seat next to his. He looked at it for a couple minutes before nodding.

"Yeah... there is. This is an empty seat," he said, accepting his fate. Well, when you put it like that you'd think they were going to execute him. Lexus sighed slightly and sat next to Julian reluctantly. For two people who'd never met each other, they were very reluctant to be near one another. Weird. The teacher restarted her tirade.

Julian sat back in his seat and stared at the clock behind the teacher. Lexus subtly poked his shoulder and slid a piece of paper across the table to him.

I'm Lexus, who are you? it said, Julian gave a small smile before scrawling a response. Julian, pleased to meet you. He pushed the paper back, and they continued this form of conversation until the teacher finally said something worth paying attention to.

"Now," she squawked. "Class. We will be dissecting the week old mousse." And the part of the class that wasn't taking long, serious, drawn-out notes let out a relieved sigh and pulled on their plastic gloves with a snap. Obviously a good amount of this class were Rocky Horror fans.

After a series of repetitive snaps and a couple shouts of 'Oh, Rocky!' the class was ready to continue. They all had to pull out steak knives to cut through the skin that the mousse had grown. They were then confronted with the most disgusting smell ever created. Worse than fish, worse than garlic, worse than skunk. Week old mousse. How gross. Julian winced at the sight, touch and smell of this... this concoction. After digging around and removing the appropriate chunks of mousse from the rest Julian threw it out without a second thought.

After what seemed like years the class finally ended and they poured out. Julian turned his Discman on and walked off listening to 'Who Wants to Live Forever' by Queen, singing softly. Lexus followed him, listening to 'The Dope Show' by Marilyn Manson. They wandered the halls for a few moments before crashing into each other, landing on their respective rumps and whining about the pain in their respective tail bones. They then glared at each other, but after a few moments hardcore glaring turned to hysterical laughter. They both stood up, repairing their respective CD players and their respective CDs before turning to one another.

"Starbucks?" Julian asked. Lexus nodded and they left for the bus.

Sitting in the bus stop, the two fought off random spurts of giggles. They pulled out a couple of books that they had hidden in their bags. 'Girl Interrupted' by Susanna Kaysen and Harry Potter. (If you need to know whom that's by, go ask a ten-year-old.) They sit and burst out laughing at stupid things. Take, for example, the High School kids who crowded around the stop and smoked, thinking they looked cool, or the two who didn't but coughed and glared at the ones who did. Or the bus coming and fifty more people than should rightfully be able to fit on a bus squeezed on.

They finally made it to the mall and squeezed out of the bus. They went to the rather large Starbucks near the Save-On-Foods. They ordered frozen mocha lattes and sat down outside.

"So... Remind me, how did this happen?" Lexus asked after a moment of silence. Julian looked at him.

"I can't remember. Oh well, I guess we're friends now, eh?" Julian said, sipping his drink.

"Yeah, guess so. Cool," Lexus said. There was a moment of comfortable silence as the two let this sink in. They then grinned at each other and continued drinking and talking and doing things that friends do outside Starbucks.

* * *

Classes suck. Especially when your teacher is some psychotic, confection obsessed nut job that talks about the life span of food. Unfortunately, today she was talking about the sex life of Angel Food Cake. Now, typically, you would think that cake couldn't have a sex life. Well, you would be wrong. You would also think something named Angel Food Cake would be chaste, but, well, you would be wrong a second time.

Julian and Lexus sat nearly in front. Lexus leaned over to Julian.

"My feet are really cold," he whispered, trying to see if the teacher would even notice. Unlikely as it might be.

A jock behind them tried to listen in on them. But he only heard 'my' and 'really'. So, like most jocks, he got confused and tried to pay attention to the teacher, who was off in her own little world. Julian leaned over to Lexus.

"Can we leave?" he whispered to Lexus. Lexus nodded and they grabbed their bags and walked out of the class. The teacher didn't notice, so they went immediately to the office and demanded a refund.

"That lady is nuts!" Julian argued with the councillor who could give them a refund.

"She preaches about food!" Lexus added.

"SHE'S TELLING US ABOUT THE SEX LIFE OF ANGEL FOOD CAKE!" they shouted together. The councilor blanched and nodded. Then he opened up a handy cash register and gave them a full refund. Lexus and Julian promptly left, still shuddering at the lecture they had walked out of. They bussed themselves back to the Starbucks.

"So, what do we do now?" Julian asked. "We have no schooling plan and my parents are probably gonna stop sending me rental money."

Lexus nodded. "We need jobs."

A genius idea, a stroke of intellect that caused both of them to look at one another with looks of pure mischief and evil. They looked at each other and nodded.

"Starbucks." And so they went up to the counter, they got the jobs they sought, they were paid eight dollars an hour and rented a basement suite with most of their paychecks.

They were so very, very happy.



A Note from God: Welcome to part two, Ginger is yet to be introduced, like I could resist something like a Happy Home scene? These people listen to my music, isn't that great?

Two: Life is a Bitch, and Then You Move in With Your Best Friend
"Roller blades and diet coke… fuck your party, I'm skating home."

Music. Loud music. Extremely loud music. And an equally loud voice singing to this insanely loud music. Lexus cracked opened an eye and winced. The sun was just rising and light streamed in through his window. He curled up into a cocoon, covering his head with the thick feather blanket. The voice, which was obviously Julian's, continued to sing -- well, "sing" isn't the best word -- croon along with the music. As usual, he was listening to Queen and singing -- uh, crooning along to 'Who Wants to Live Forever'. As always.

Lexus uncovered his head long enough to shout: "SHUT THE HELL UP IT'S BARELY DAWN!" Then he covered his head again and tried to ignore the noise going on around him. Julian grinned and walked into the poor boy's room. He then kicked him, lightly.

"Wakey wakey, sleepyhead," he said in an evil sing-song voice, rubbing what he assumed to be his friends back. Lexus grumbled and rolled over, giving Julian a death-glare from inside the nest of blankets.

"I'm gonna say this as politely as possible. Screw off, I don't have to be at work for three hours, and I plan on sleeping during two of them." With that, he promptly fell into a coma-like sleep. Julian pouted cutely, the way that perky, masochistic morning people do. Then he went back to the kitchen, where he was making perogies. Halfway through his meal, and 'Old-Fashioned Lover Boy' (yes, Julian has something of a small obsession for Queen) there was a loud THUD and the sound of water running.

"… Ah, the nearly-dead has finally risen. And stolen all of the hot water while he's at it. I think I'll go flush the toilet now," Julian muttered, getting up. He turned his music up a little louder and went into the bathroom. Lexus took absolutely no notice of another being in the room. He was facing the wall away from the showerhead and getting thoroughly soaked. Julian sat on the counter and picked up the book that had been left there. The Tale of the Body Thief, it said. After about five minutes of sitting in the bathroom with his showering roommate, he stood up, crossed the foot of space between the counter and the toilet, and flushed.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Julian snickered and ran like hell. In the kitchen, he sat down and started stuffing his face, pretending he hadn't noticed the scream. (Because of the loud music, you see. - the Angel) He heard the water shut off and a slamming sound. The door opened and a barely covered, very pissed off Lexus stormed down the hall. He skidded to a halt in front of the rickety kitchen table and glared 'The Glare of Doom' at Julian and took a very, very, very deep breath.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! COMING INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I'M SHOWERING AND FLUSHING THE GODSBEDAMNED MOTHER-LOVIN' TOILET?!" Deep breath. "AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT RUNNING BACK HERE LISTENING TO YOUR PRETTY-BOY MUSIC, WHICH BY THE WAY YOU ARE NOT, AND PRETENDING YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?!"

"I just love your over-reactions," Julian said calmly, stuffing one last perogie into his mouth. "Although, piece of advice, Lexus. Clothes."

Lexus cursed in ways Julian didn't think he knew how and returned to his room. There was another slam of the door and Bonnie Rait's 'Can't Make You Love Me' floated down the hall. Julian shut off the Queen, cleaned his plate and went to his room to get dressed for work. All black and a little green apron. Julian really liked the apron, the apron was awesome. The colour was something to be desired, but the apron in itself was a thing of beauty, just so, so long, so tight, so loose. It was art in material form. "Oh my god, I am in love with a goddamned apron."

There was a knock at his door. He walked over and opened it. He was hit in the head with a big piece of ice.

"What the hell?!" Julian yelped as the cold, hard solid object smashed his brain in. Or at least, hit him on the head really, really hard. "What was that for?"

"That was for being an annoying little prick," Lexus snarled before storming out of the apartment in his uniform. Julian sighed.

"Some people are just not morning people…" He sighed and locked the doors behind him as he left for work.



Foreword from God: Here's part Three... it's weird, it's messed, but I like the word paramedics and had to use it sometime in this chapter. So the word brought it on itself. If you don't like it's involvement, punish the word 'paramedic' on your own time. Don't question the word of God.

Three : Enter… The Girl. (a.k.a. The Birth of Jules and Lex)
The paramedics revived the armadillo, but the poor archivist tortoise didn't make it.

Julian sighed as the old man nattered and stuttered, attempting to remember what all his friends wanted. His list just seemed to keep going. Julian was using all his will power to not have his eyes roll into his head. He looked around surreptiously. There were no customers behind the old man, no one was smoking inside, nothing was on fire. He glanced over at Lexus, who was pointedly not looking at him. Damn he was immature, obviously still choked up about that whole morning-thing, Julian resolved to have a long, emotional discussion with him. Then he turned back to the old man and tried to pay attention.

"… and that's it," the old man said. Julian looked at the receipt he was holding. He read it over twice and then looked at the old man.

"So that's one frozen milk chocolate mocha, four cafe lattes in various shades of white, two cookies, one brownie, and three pieces of --" Julian paused and winced "-- Angel Food Cake."

"Yep, that's it young man." The old man said, nodding. He shuffled off and Julian handed the list to a guy named Derek, who was cute in a puppy dog with a big juicy steak kind of way. He actually looked somewhat like Bambi, too. Derek brewed all the coffees and made all the drinks.

Julian sighed again and looked at Lexus, who again pointedly didn't look at him. Julian muttered a curse and tried to think of something to say before apologizing to his friend. Julian was halfway through searching his train of thought when an irritated clearing of the throat issued from the other side of the counter.

Julian groaned softly and looked up at… The most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. (He'd only seen about twelve beautiful girls, so she didn't have much competition. Julian used to live in Castlegar, which, if memory serves, is a strip mall, two houses and a hotel along the side of the highway. And a Canadian Tire that doesn't carry tampons.)

She had a mane of multi-coloured (literally. Like blue, green, red, orange, etc.) hair and she was the most intolerant, impatient, annoyed and/or annoying-looking girl in all the worlds. (O.o ... Who are you and what have you done with our Ginger? -- the Angel)

Thus, it was love at first sight. Well, one-sided love at first sight. The other side didn't even consider it. The other side was getting pissed off that the in-love side wasn't taking her order.

From across the store, Lexus started laughing uncontrollably. He wound up in the fetal position on the floor, unable to move, much less to carry on working.

A few hours later, when he was still laughing, paramedics carried him out on a stretcher and sat him in a straight jacket in solitary confinement for six hours while Julian finished his shift. Julian later came to pick him up. Lexus did not burst out laughing because he was holding his breath. They got home and Lexus stumbled into the apartment, chuckling softly.

"You," Julian said, glaring at him, "Are disturbed."

Lexus had stopped laughing and was clinging onto a conveniently placed pillar to steady himself. "And you," he replied, "Are so deeply in love with the Starbucks Girl that it's not funny. I forgive you, by the way."

"Yeah, well, I asked 'Starbucks Girl' out, and her name's Gyongevere, and she thinks we're a band."

Lexus snorted. "What? A band, us?" He stumbled over to a chair and sat on it. "What are we called, lover boy?"

"'Jules and Lex.'"

The laughter stopped sometime that evening, maybe. The neighbors weren't sure when, or even if it stopped at all.

More Notes from God: You know what, a lot of this involves Julian. I don't like him, I like Lexus, I like Lexus because Lexus is cool, Julian is a stupid prick, but he gets lots of attention because everything that is happening in the story is essentially based off him. I am looking forward to writing in Ashley. ^^



Four: Fishy Umbrellas?
Les Parapluies Poissoneuses?

The sun was rising. Lexus felt a smile grace his lips. It was a rare day off and he was enjoying it to its full advantage. Once the sun had fully risen he would crawl into bed and his roommate and his (rather noisy) girlfriend would leave the apartment for the day. Lexus would then sleep all day, and probably night and leave for work the next morning. Life was wonderful for the nocturnal. He pulled out a notebook of empty paper and closed his eyes. He pictured something… it looked like a fish with a… with a…

"LEXUS! WE'RE LEAVING NOW! EAT SOMETHING BEFORE YOU GO INTO HIBERNATION!" Julian shouted into the hallway, totally shattering Lexus' small, crystalline concentration. Lexus muttered something unintelligible, like a mix of 'stupid bugger' and 'can't live with the stupid brat, can't live without him' and 'I'd still be in solitary confinement otherwise'. He entered the kitchen and boiled some water. He ground some coffee. He roasted a potato and emptied the Bacon Bits canister. Then he returned to his room with his huge potato and his mug of coffee.

"I am not going to be in a two man band named Jules and Lex," he said before devouring his food. He then pulled out his notebook and wrote a small paper on why he didn't approve of this idea. It ranged from the incredibly lame name to the fact that they didn't have any songs. He also mentioned he was not doing any covers of Queen. They weren't Freddie Mercury and it would be an insult to his name, his voice, and his music to even try to cover it (*coughRobbieWilliamscough* -- God). His little paper used up half the empty notebook. Lexus, in his extremely sleep deprived state, didn't notice the fact that he repeated himself at least four times, nor the fact that some of his points weren't even points, they were comparing cottage cheese to mozzarella flavored tofu. But hey, don't question the very tired and hyped up musician.

One of his points did touch base, though. According to his knowledge, Julian didn't play an instrument. (As far as Lex knows, anyway. -- the Angel) Lexus did: he played guitar. He played well. He was good, very good. He was so damn good it wasn't funny. In a slightly deranged state of mind, Lexus got out his lovely guitar, who was named Sofi for reasons beyond explanation (God's on crack! -- the Angel). He played a few random chords and then he started singing.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are…" As he sang, the chords became less sedate and something more along the lines of loud and brassy. Think Blink 182… yeah, that kind of guitar.. hee hee hee… and yes, still 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'. After many hours of pointless 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' in it's new loud and brassy form, Lexus fell asleep.

Many, many, many hours later the door slammed shut in the… uh… living room (sorry, I haven't thought of a floor plan for their apartment… yet. -- God). There was silence, not that Lexus noticed anyway, he was dead to the world. (Whoa… my eye is twitching… that can't be healthy. -- God) Then Lexus' door swung open and Julian strode confidently into the room.

"Lex… hey Lex… wake up," he whispered. Lexus didn't respond.

Julian sighed, he really didn't want to do this, he really didn't. But something needed to be done, and this was a last resort. He removed the lovely Sofi and pushed Lexus off the bed.

He also shouted: "GET THE HELL UP YOU FREAKY NOCTURNAL WEIRDO!"

He paused as Lexus hit the ground with a thud. "We have someone we want you to meet."

Lexus sat up slowly and blinked a couple times.

"What, did you get married? Is it a priest?" he grumbled, not ready to try to walk down the hall on two feet.

Disregarding the fact that neither Julian nor Ginger were Catholic (or that it's not only Catholics who get married with priests, or that there's no such thing as the Catholic Church in this world! -- the Angel), also ignoring the fact that the particular God watching down on them didn't believe in priests (She does so! It's just that they're not conventional priests, and you probably wouldn't want them presiding over your wedding. -- the Angel), it was a good question.

Julian let out a long-long-long-suffering sigh. He walked across the room, picked up the still dazed and now hurting Lexus and carried him out to the living room. Wherein, he dumped the still half-asleep dude onto the floor.

Lexus sat there and looked at the two new strangers. One was tall-ish, and had hair. Lots of it. Light purple-blue, tall. Damn, but he was tall. Well, sort of. The other person, next to him, wasn't as tall. And his hair wasn't as impressive, it was short-long (don't ask, this is described from a half-asleep person's POV) and sort of reddy brown.

Lexus blinked at them.

The Tall One raised an eyebrow and the Not-Tall One smiled.

Lexus stared at them.

He then turned to Julian.

"They don't look like a priest."

There was a moment of silence. Dead silence.

"That's because they aren't a priest, Lex," Ginger said softly. She helped the poor, now only one quarter asleep boy off the floor. "They're… umm…"

"I want to be your manager," the Tall One said, smiling. "We heard your friends singing karaoke, and that you and he --" he pointed at Julian "-- were a band. I think you'd do a wonderful job." (I think he's desperate. -- the Angel)

"Who did what in the where now?" Lexus took a couple of deep breaths and then finally woke up."Hold it, you think that we --" he pointed and himself and Julian "-- are a band?"

The Tall One and the Not-Tall One nodded.

Lexus continued, pointing at Ginger. "And you want her to join it."

They nodded again.

"So, Julian, what instrument do you play?" Lexus asked.

"Bass, of course," Julian said, grinning.

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

Julian sighed, excused himself and went to his room. He re-entered with a lovely, wonderful, beautiful, worship-worthy, neon-pink Chris Patterson bass. (Well, I don't know what the brand is, so it's just the Chris Patterson bass. -- God) He then sat down on a white wicker chair and started playing the bass part (which might not exist -- God) of 'Who Wants to Live Forever'.

"Alright," Lexus said, nodding. "I agree. But we need a new name. And for the love of God, Julian, we are not going to be called 'Jules and Lex and Ginger'. It's not happening. I hate the first name we had."

"Well then, what do you want to call us?" Julian replied, smiling sweetly. "We do need a good name."

"Something," Lexus said thoughtfully, "to do with salmon."

"And umbrellas," Ginger added. "'The Salmon Umbrellas'."

"Yeah," Lexus said.

"No," Julian said. "That sounds worse than 'Jules and Lex and Ginger'."

"Umm… Well, maybe not salmon, but something like it… 'Fishy'?" Lexus tried.

"'The Fishy Umbrellas'? That sounds even stupider than 'the Salmon Umbrellas'." Julian protested.

"You have a point," Lexus said, nodding. (Damn, but that boy nods a lot. -- the Angel, who despite her basic nature does swear)

"Well… Let's try it in French," Ginger suggested timidly. "'Les Parapluies Poissoneuses'?"

"Hmmm…" Julian and Lexus said together.

"Wait a minute," Ginger said, almost as an afterthought. "'Poissoneux' isn't a word."

"Well, let's just stick with it in English then," Lexus said. The other two nodded.

"'The Fishy Umbrellas?'" the Tall One repeated. He shrugged. "Whatever you say."

The Fishy Umbrellas were born.



Five: So Those Guys Have Names, Right?
"I'm stuck on you. I'm stuck on you. You're a refrigerator and I'm a magnet and I'm stuck on you."

After much standing there and looking happy because now they were a band and being congratulated by the strangers, something occurred to Lexus.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked the two strangers.

Oh yes, Lexus was a subtle, subtle guy. Yes, oh yes.

The strangers grinned.

"I am Griffin," the Tall One -- Griffin replied, sticking out his hand. Lexus shook it, though he was giving Griffin a funny look. He didn't really think anything was wrong with Griffin, it was just vengeance for that raised eyebrow earlier.

"I'm Dorian!" the other onne said, also taking Lexus' hand and shaking it.

Lexus grinned. Sure, the guy seemed a little sugar-high, but that was a good thing.

Griffin raised another eyebrow and glared at Dorian.

Dorian glared back at Griffin.

Lexus backed up, feeling the tension (oh yes, UST is a very good thing -- the Angel) between the two build up. He tried another grin and made a slicing motion and pushed the 'tension' he cut apart toward both guys. They stopped glaring at each other only long enough to stare at him.

Julian cleared his throat. Lexus, Dorian and Griffin all turned to stare at him.

"I hate to interrupt whatever you're doing, but The Fishy Umbrellas need some songs, so, gentlemen, if you could give us some space?" Julian said, grinning at the two.

They glowered at each other and then left, elbowing each other the entire way out.

"Aren't they adorable together?" (Jules my boy, I hope you waited until they were out of earshot to say that. -- the Angel.)

Lexus smacked the back of Julian's head. He then went back to his room and fell asleep.

Julian and Ginger heard a noise coming from his room.

"Twinkle… twinkle… little star…"

"I have a roommate who sings in his sleep."



Six: Whisper, or The Chapter Where Julian Starts Being an Asshole
"Oh ow! Millions and millions of microscopic tales are whipping me!" re: flagellae

It had been a month since The Fishy Umbrellas had come to be. On evenings, the three of them had been gathering in the living room and writing songs. Lexus had insisted on covering 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star', Julian was writing some sort of love song to Ginger, and Ginger was writing a song about dandelions.

"All right," Lexus called. "I've been writing bad songs for about a month and I like two of them. I'm taking a break."

It was a rare bright sunny Sunday off, and Lexus was going to an anime showcase that the City's Japanese Anime Society (CJAS) was holding. He left before anyone could complain and took the bus to his destination: a college -- not named, but still a college. He found the right entrance after a series of false starts and made it in just as the opening theme was playing.

The anime was Hikaru no Go, some show from somewhere about something. No one was quite certain what (no offense to HikaGo fans... -- the Angel). Lexus sat in the middle of the right section. He watched silently for a while.

"What's with the scary guy with the purple lipstick?" he asked aloud.

There was a further silence. He sighed. Not a lively crowd today.

"He's a pedophile."

There was a response! Lexus looked over the crowd to pick out who was talking.

It was a girl. (Tries to make sense of that. 'It', i.e. gender-neutral, was a 'girl', i.e. NOT gender-neutral... *gets smacked by God* -- the Angel) Well, he knew that, because the voice gave it away. She was a redhead. She grinned at him and continued watching. Their conversation continued like that, all the way through the three episodes of Hikaru no Go and on through Galaxy Express 999. Eventually they were escorted out by the CJAS owner and sent home.

Well, they didn't go home per se. They stopped at a 7 Eleven where Lexus bought a Pepsi and then went on to Starbucks. Because everything happens at Starbucks. Everything.

The girl formally introduced herself as Whisper and revealed that she was a pianist.

Lexus had an idea, a good idea, a genius idea, a bloody brilliant idea.

He offered her a place in the Fishy Umbrellas. She accepted, and he dragged her to the Basement Suite to meet Julian and Ginger.

"Oh," Julian said, grinning, "have you finally brought us a girl who interests you?"

Lexus stuck out his tongue.

"No," he said, sticking his nose in the air. "I don't like icky girls. I don't like icky boys either. I like me."

"That sounds wrong," Ginger said softly, giggling.

"And you're a perv," Lexus replied. Ginger giggled a little more. "My kind of girl." (...I thought he didn't like 'icky girls'? -- the Angel)

"But she's mine," Julian said, frowning.

"Aren't you a possessive one today?" Lexus replied. He turned to Whisper. "Well, I, for one, am going to bed. Anyone care to join me?" (... and 'icky boys', too? -- l'Ange) He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Ginger giggled some more.

"No," Julian replied coolly. "We, however, are going to my bed."

Whisper shrugged. "Mind if I crash on your couch?" she asked.

Lexus shrugged and went to find her a blanket. Julian snatched Ginger's wrist and dragged her off, an angry look on his face. Ginger smile was fading.

"Good night, you two," Whisper said.

"Good night, Whisper," Ginger replied, a small amount of fear in her voice. Julian made some sort of caveman type of noise and dragged her into his room.

Lexus returned. "The lovebirds in bed already?" he asked. He looked around, as if they might be hidden somewhere.

"Yeah, they just left." Whisper said. She paused. "Something seems wrong with them."

"Oh, he's like that all the time, it'll cool off overnight. They always seem fine in the morning, he just needs a little sleep to cool off." Lexus nodded at her and handed her the blanket. Then he returned to his room and promptly fell into a loud, snoring sleep.

Whisper sat in the dark and listened.

At midnight there was a soft cry and some sobbing.

"Thought so," Whisper said, and then she fell asleep.



God's Notes: ARGH! I want to get to TGB! Why does this story have to have all these damn things that absolutely have to happen for TGB to occur? *clears throat* Okay. Next chapter.

Seven: You're Going on Tour!
"Damn… sideways… cows…" -- Acid Reflux

"Group meeting! Group meeting!" cried Dorian, the Manager (or The Short One... hee hee). He ran into the basement in which the Fishy Umbrellas were currently residing.

The Umbrellas collectively stared at him.

After a couple minutes, Griffin, the Producer (or The Tall One) skulked in and took over the 'couch'.

The 'couch' was this pile of cotton-like substance from a garage sale. But it was only a four-dollar pile of cotton-like substance, which was what mattered. Perhaps at one point it had been a real couch.

Griffin gave Dorian something like a death glare and stared directly at where Dorian wasn't. You'd almost think they were lovers, except that I (being God) haven't siad anything like that in the Story. So they can't be, yet. (There was no foreshadowing in there. No foreshadowing whatsover. -- the Angel)

Right, back to the story. The Umbrellas were staring at their hyperactive manager.

He grinned at them and followed that by hopping lightly and clapping his hands.

"We're going on tour!" he shrieked.

The Umbrellas' jaws dropped as one.

"What?" they said.

"We only have...three songs!" Whisper pointed out, looking irritated.

"We don't have any type of transportation!" Julian continued.

"None of us can sing!" added Ginger. (Except in kareoke. -- Tenshitenshi)

"What the hell were you thinking?" Lexus asked.

"Well, it's not very big... since we're going to Happy Valley Goose Bay. We have transportation. Don't worry. It's an outdoor concert... but that's okay. We leave tomorrow," Dorian concluded, grinning. "See you bright and early!" (Choir is wonderful, except you have to, you know, wake up. -- the Angel)

And he hurriedly left.

There were a few aggravated sighs. However...

"Happy Valley Goose Bay! Happy Valley Goose Bay! Happy Valley Goose Bay! Happy Valley Goose Bay!"



Eight : The Yellow Apron or, His name was 'K.'
"Star Wars, nothing but Star Wars…" -- Bill Murray

After an invigorating shopping trip Julian returned to the basement suite with a box.

The Fishy Umbrellas ignored him, because, you know, after-shopping(!) Julian was not a fun thing to mess with. They got the usual rant about how the mall was too crowded and all the children were whining and crying and the commercialism in that place was disgusting, but today they got something new, too.

"I met someone today," Julian said.

Heads looked up, eyes filled with shock and suprise and... well, shock. Minds pondered what he meant by 'met'. 'Met' as in 'met someone', you know, to date? (pleaseohpleaseohpleaselethimdumpme) 'Met' as in 'met someone for lunch'? (dammiti'mhungrywhothoughtamusicianslifemeantstarvingeventhoughyoucanaffordfood?) 'Met' as in 'met for the first time'? (rememberthattimewhenwe--no.)

"You 'met' someone today?" Ginger asked carefully. Julian smiled, calmly, nicely; how unusual.

"Yes, his name's 'K.', I found him when I found this --" With that, he opened the box and pulled out a yellow rubber apron. Lexus winced and Whisper gasped, and Ginger looked at it as one might look at a giant woodbug in their living room.

"Where did you find that... thing?" Lexus asked, one eyebrow raised.

"A little store called Crouton's Leather & Rubber Shoppe," Julian replied. (No, that store does not exist, and if it does exist, send me something from it and a picture of it. --God) "He works there." (Salad! Tastes good with croutons! --the Angel)

"Okay, so what about him?" Whisper asked.

"I dunno, he sent good vibes, ya know?" Julian pondered something to himself, and then said: "He was rather nice."

"Was he, now... So, are you gonna ask him out?" That was Lexus. Lexus would later blame the fact that he watches too much anime to not ask that question.

Julian was dead silent. Julian then calmly turned and silently walked to his room.



Nine : (I think.)
"If all rabbits do is eat and fuck, why are they called dumb bunnies?"

The car was too small. Really too small. And the amount of people crammed into the car was probably illegal. It was a nightmare, they were so close together. It was terrible. Who knew that four instruments and six people could fit into a Dodge Omni? Well, they could, but it wasn't comfy. It was crowded and hot and it smelled bad. They were driving on a highway, a flat desert-like plain. They didn't know there was a desert-like plain in The Country, but there it was.

They looked down the flat, flat landscape.

"Is that... the City?" Dorian (who was, much to his chagrin, sitting in Griffin's lap), pointed across the plain to the shimmering silver thing in the distance.

Griffin glared at him. Lexus raised an eyebrow, shifted Julian, who was for some reason (you know, other than 'cuz I said so. *gives you a Look* -- God) sitting on him, and turned to look at where Dorian was pointing.

"I can't tell, we're moving too fast." He gave Whisper a meaningful look; she ignored him and floored it. More. Wheeeeeee... (So, if he gives her a look and she ignores it, that implies she saw it, which means... she wasn't looking at the highway. Eep. -- Angel)

But, then, of course, there was a siren noise and blue and red flashing. (PORK! -- Angel)

"Well... shit."

Whisper pulled over and rolled down the window. The officer, looking all big and macho and manly and police-y (I don't care if that's not a word. -- God) (Righty-o. -- Angel) strolled to the window.

"License and registration." Whisper pulled out her wallet and presented the documents. "You do realize you were going 50 km (Who lives in Canada? -- God) over the limit, no?"

"Well, of course I was, we have to be there in twenty hours, if we want ot eat and sleep before performing we gotta get there fast," she said, fighting the desire to floor it, dead certain she could out-drive the cops... but they were running low on gas.

"Umm.. can you guys hurry up?" Lexus asked. "I hafta pee."

"Are you serious?" Julian cried.

"Yeah. Could you, y'know, not sit on me please?"

"Oh, sure, sorry."

After a small adjusting of seating, Lexus was happier.

"Umm... can another of you drive?" the police officer asked.

"Hell yeah," Lexus said.

"Okay... umm... I guess you can go." (o.O ... Mmm, divine intervention. -- Angel)

Lexus traded seats with Whisper and nearly floored it.

"Bathroom... bathroom... gas station... where are you?" After about five minutes of driving he saw it. It, in all it's glory. A Gas Station. "Yeah!" He floored it into there. He stopped the car at a pump, jumped out and ran into the store. After a few minutes a bouncy red-headed lady bounded over to them, in Her green skirt and Her 'I Hate Myself and I Want to Die' (rainbow, heart, heart) t-shirt. Whisper climbed into the driver's seat.

"How might I help all y'all?" the lady asked, smirking -- er, smiling sweetly.

"Ummm, you see that guy who just ran in there? He's looking for a bathroom..." Julian said slowly. The lady smiled some more.

"Not my field. Angel'll take care 'a that. Her job after all. Need gas? Refreshments? I'm the gas jockey, refreshments be in that store there." She continued to smile. "So, can I be of service? Or can I return to my.. ah... reading?"

"Oh.. umm... yes, we need gas," Whisper said.

Griffin looked at the sign. "Holy shit your gas is cheap," he exclaimed... with great suprise. 34.5 cents, you'd be suprised too, no?

"Would you like some?" She pressed, still smiling.

"Sure," Dorian said. The lady beamed, which was difficult, because She was still smiling. God damned people-person-type-people. (*snicker* -- God) She set to work as the the group piled into the store.

There was a lovely lady behind cash, short (sorry, but You Are Short Now. -- God) (I'm already short... -- Angel) and trying to smile as much as the red-head but failing. Sort of a half-smile. There was also: a tallish guy dressed in what looked suspiciously like a Sailormoon!villain outfit; a pregnant woman and some guy who may or may not have been married to her; and a little girl wearing silver coveralls and had wings. Wings?

"Does that girl have wings?" Dorian asked. The girl turned. She was holding a cup of coffee. She smiled.

The redhead lady re-appeared, and the girl curtsied (because if she didn't she would be smited... smote... whatever -- God) and handed the redhead lady the coffee. She sipped it, handed it back and walked... umm... north, straight into the back of the store.

Lexus was happy, sure, this bathroom was kinda gross and scary, but he was seen worse. Like the gas station bathroom that was really an outhouse. That was gross. He was washing his hands when a redheaded lady walked in. He did a double-take.

"Wh-what are you doing here? Isn't this the men's washroom?" he asked. The lady smiled.

"Detail."

"But -- but... But!" Lexus concluded.

"Good song."

"What?"

"Never mind." She sighed. "You humans are all alike, honestly. This gender thing is -- such -- a big deal to you guys. Honestly."

"What?"

"You humans are all way too -- wait, no, I have other things to talk about. Stop distractiing me."

"But--"

"I said 'stop distracting me', let me finish my thought."

"Okay."

"As I was saying, you puny mortal, although, you are a rather attractive puny mortal and you have kick-ass pants, where-ever did you get them?" (ME! ... okay, canonically he got them from his aunt, but they were my idea. -- Angel)

"My aunt g--"

"Hey, I'm not done yet."

"Sorry."

"You'd better be."

"Umm.. really sorry?"

"Okay, right, so, Lexus, tomorrow, at 7:13 and 29 seconds PM, you will depart from where you are performing and go to the nearest public washroom. For reasons beyond your control you will run into a little boy and give him a concussion. Okay? If you don't do it, I'll smite, okay Lexus?"

"Okay."

"Alright, Lexie, don't let me down." She turned and walked through the door.

"Hey, I never told you my name!"



Ten
"Champagne, cigarettes and everything, just to keep me under."

Well, our protagonists (sorry about the spelling of that and the fact that I actually use that word. Occupational hazard of taking English in summer school. *shudder* -- God) made it to Happy Valley Goose Bay (be it noted that on the way Lexus wrote a song about HVGB. It goes like this: "Happy Valley Goose Bay! Happy Valley Goose Bay!" and so on and so forth. The lyrics will be up, eventually) and it was happy, and valley-y, and goose-y, and it did have a bay.

The Band was still confused about where in the nine layers (floors) of hell and seven layers (bathroom stalls, actually) of heaven were they supposed to perform. But Dorian had taken the wheel and was slowly but surely driving to wherever he was supposed to be going. The others just looked out the window and made commentary.

"Hey, a sushi bar!"

"Ooh, cheap sleazy tatoo parlour, can we go there later?"

"7-eleven! I want a slurpee."

"I hate it here. I hate this car. I hate you Dorian."

"I hate you too."

"I hate you more." (Oh yes. No foreshadowing at all here. -- the Angel)

"You're such an ass."

"Will you two shut up?"

"NO!"

The rest of the ride continued in an uncomfortable silence.

Dorian pulled to a stop (which, be it noted, was very hard to tell from his driving. In fact they sat there for a couple minutes after Dorian had gotten out of the car because they thought he was still driving) at a soccer field. Fields. Four of them.

Griffin had gotten out of the car and was angrily unloading instruments. Julian and Lexus rushed forward to rescue their beloved guitars. The drums and keyboard were not as lucky. (Poor darlings.) But they survived.

The band was set up on and around some picnic tables.

Julian looked around and raised an eyebrow.

"This is it?"


* * * * *

Yeah, Jules, that's it. For now. *flees*

Comments

Posted by: Kaye (sparrow_wings)
Posted at: June 5th, 2006 08:12 pm (UTC)

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